So lets update.
I found a home daycare that I am fairly comfortable with for Joaquin... I was and still am not to comfortable with home daycare.. mainly because there is one person caring for so many children... It has to be quite stressful..That coupled with the fact that Joaquin is just 15 months and cannot tell me if something bad happens just makes me uneasy.. I cannot swing what it will cost to put him in a larger facility and put Marissa in aftercare so she doesn't become a "latchkey" kid.
Anyway I am a bit more at ease knowing that there are two caregivers at any given time at this facility.
I went for a visit last week and Joaquin absolutely loved it... he spent the whole hour there trying to hug the other babies.. he never even noticed when I left the room..

Now the work situation...
I am still employed and still feeling horrible about the whole letter thing.. Ruth is still here too.. thank goodness.. I am not sure how long Mr. Redmond will wait before he speaks with her.. or me for that matter.. I am 98% sure he has already made his choice.. but there still is that 2% chance he could change his mind..
A bright spot in this whole thing... well possible bright spot.. is that I did get a call about another job. I had put in my resume to a local company about a month ago.. had a wonderful 2 hour interview and never got a call back . .. So when this whole thing at work came up I called and left a message... The owner called back yesterday and asked me back in for a second interview... Downside is that it is not for the purchasing position I applied for.. it's for sales... complete opposite end of the spectrum .. I am pretty sure I could handle the job but I love purchasing.. and I love management even more... another downside is that the reason I didn't get the purchasing position is that they decided not to hire for that position until possibly first quarter because things are slow.. that is a little scary.

The positives are that taking it will mean Ruth can keep her job.. I will be five minutes from home... It will be a much needed change of pace.. more money and the workload will be much less... ok so I don't know if the whole less work thing is a positive or not.. I like things fast paced... I like getting things done and I work extremely well under pressure... so I could easily get bored... but who knows .. I could absolutely love it.. I am pretty adaptable.
Well before I get ahead of myself I will have to go for this second interview and see if they actually want to hire me.


Ahh and now the personal stuff..
Jack... why are men so difficult.. I hate games.. and we are still playing this.."you tell me what to do and I'll do it" game... I haven't called him in a week( I have text him to let him know I was thinking of him) .. I told him I was tired of feeling like I was forcing myself and Joaquin on him.. and that if I had to order him to come visit .. or call... well that it just seemed like we are a burden in his life... and I refuse to be that... so anyway.. we are at a standstill.. he hasn't called either.. and he didn't visit this week because I didn't tell him to.. sounds like an excuse if you ask me..
I guess the problem with the whole game thing is that he is better at it than I am... much better at it.. I try to be as open as I can.. tell him what I want.. He just doesn't get it..
Do men and women speak different languages? What is it that I am saying or doing wrong.. why am I not getting through to this man?
I mean.. I don't doubt he loves me .. He has shown that he does.. it's just this odd, frustrating.. manipulative .. irritating .. gods I want to scream.. type of love..
I don't have much relationship experience.. I was with one man since I was 16.. until he passed away almost 5 years ago he was all I knew.. so I don't know if it is just that I don't know how to do this... or if Jack is just an idiot!
He has everything he says he ever wanted sitting in front of him.. and he is just letting it slip through his fingers.. I don't get it.. or maybe it is not him .. maybe it's me.. either way... I really wish we could put the game away and be happy