Well.. It's Tuesday and I am exhausted already! I had a long weekend and I didn't sleep well last night. Jack has been visiting since Thursday and he says he is on vacation for a week. He's "looking for a house to buy" .. How the hell is that going to happen.. the market the way it is.. his credit is worse than mine.. and well he just isn't very motivated. He's staying with his parents now, and they have made it exceptionally comfortable for him. Way too comfortable if you ask me.. but no one asked.. so I will keep my mouth shut.
We have been getting along ok.. I mean.. we arent fighting.. He's still playing his poor me games... tells me that whatever I want he will do.. Problem is.. he does things on his time.. and by then, I have already done them myself. I asked him to get insurance for Joaquin.. he did.. when he 15 months old and I had already gotten insurance.. asked him to get a job.. that took a year.. asked him to get an apartment and stop living in his shop so that the baby would be safe when we came to visit.. he got an apartment.. a year later.. over 100 miles away.. and he kept it for a whole year!. He never invited us to visit... oh wait.. and the best... he bought a ring.. with what I will assume are intentions on asking me to marry him... while he is still in a "domestic partnership" with his ex. If you live in certain counties in Florida.. that is tantamount to a marriage license. .. I asked that he get it dissolved.. he hasn't.. says he promised by the beginning of the year... well .. it's April!
Anyway.. we have been going through the motions of being in a relationship. He comes up.. plays with the baby.. we talk a little.. watch tv together.. and well.. yes are intimate. I do have to say.. if there was something holding us together.. besides our sweet Joaquin.. it would have to be that we are so compatible sexually. That is the one area in our relationship that I have not and cannot imagine complaining about.
So I start wondering if that is all we have?.. Is that all we will ever have? Can we build something from the love of our son and a physical relationship? I mean.. I do love him.. or at least the memory of the man I met 4 years ago. He can be sweet.. funny... loving.. strong... but he can also be the biggest jerk...
Maybe I expect too much..