... I have not quite been able to get Jack to understand that I cannot be with him.. He keeps telling me hes trying.. and that I just need to give him another  chance... I have given him chances... over and over again. I don't have anything left to give him.. I had begun to hate him.. and that is no good for Joaquin. I want him to be in his sons life.. He loves his daddy.. but even that seems impossible. His exact words to me were "I'll miss you and Joaquin"  .. It seems my fears were correct.. He does not know how(or refuses) to separate our relationship from his relationship with our son.
It has been months since we officially broke up and even longer since I have made it clear that I  was not happy and asked that he focus on Joaquin and not us.
I have lost any interest in working things out... I have moved on.... I even began seeing someone.. mostly in hopes that this would make him see that there is no chance.  He continues to ask .. continues to try and hold my hand during visits with Joaquin. ..he continues to refer to us as a couple... He has been driving by my house...scaring my children... I am seriously considering a restraining order... The only thing stopping me is that hope I spoke of a couple of years ago... Sadly.. that too is deteriorating. 

Well another day has passed.. I took Joaquin to see his father yesterday.. It has been well over a month since he has seen him.  We went to the park... I figured it would be best not to go to his house... I was right.
I went to see my sister last week.. I wish under better circumstances :o( She lost her husband .. I was never close to him but she loved him.... I feel badly for my niece .. She isn't close to my sister... so her dad was who she turned to.. now she feels all alone. 
He was a pleasant enough man.. but a severe alcoholic and my sister always felt the need to protect him from himself... She wouldn't let him work... drive.. she barely left him alone for fear he would drink... which he always did.
I can't imagine a life like that.. for either of them.  So I am torn between feeling sad that she lost someone she loved.. and comforted by the fact that he is no longer struggling and she no longer has to play warden to a grown man.
Anyway .. I was happy to be able to be there for her.

It's been a few months .. again...:o) I always mean to post at least weekly.. but life gets in the way sometimes.
So much is happening.  I am still enjoying my job, quite a bit.  I enjoy the people there. Some purely for entertainment value.. but a select few .. I truly like on a personal level. 

Speaking of personal.. *sigh* .. my personal life has changed.. I hope for the better.
I finally left Jack.. I just couldn't do it any more. He has become so unstable .. to the point that I fear for my safety .. as well as my children's.  He has hurt himself and threatened to hurt me and my children if I didn't stay with him.
As much as I wanted to try to make it work for Joaquin.. I just can't do it anymore.  So.. it's been a couple of months.. and other than his constant calls I feel good.. Free..
I have begun to go out once a week with friends .. It has been great.. and it has helped me to look at my relationship with Jack more clearly.

I hope that he get the help he needs and will move on. Want to be happy.. I want him to be happy.. but most of all I want my children to be happy