Wow! I haven't posted since April... I guess I have just been in a rut... Things between me and Jack have been pretty stagnate... He managed to buy a house ...A pretty nice one actually.. He left one job for another which he already quit. .. He is now living on the $8,000.00 first home buyer credit the Government gave him. .. He still continues to play games.. won't call.. won't come to visit but expects me to visit and call him every day.. I am currently dividing my time between work.. the kids and Jack... difficult but I have adjusted. .. I am however growing tired of the games and wondering if it is worth it... I am at a loss as to which way to turn.. I want him in Joaquin's life .. I want him in my life .. but though his words say he wants the same.. his actions are proving otherwise. I also seem to have issues with letting go .. I was raised to believe that you stay with one person your whole life "till death do us part" .. I did that once.. I lost my older children's father after 18 years together .. Jack was the first and only relationship I have had since his death. .. I am afraid that I am staying in the relationship for idealistic reasons .. not for the reasons one usually stays. He has proven that he has no interest in working on the relationship or in the work and patience it takes to be a father and role model to our son ... I just can't seem to let go ...

Work has been exhausting.. I received the promotion .. without a raise .. and as the workload increases the rewards of working hard have diminished... I dread Mondays now.. I have always loved doing what I do .. I am good at it.. and I enjoy the people I work with ... but it is difficult working for a company who does not care for it's employees .. even more so when you are forced to be a part of it .. being in upper management is not all it's cracked up to be ... I am currently searching for a new job.. one more rewarding and challenging at the same time ...

Now.. for the best part of my life! My children .. They are all wonderful ... Ana is in college and doing great! She is also working and helping out as she always has ... Eddie is being home schooled at this time.. I have given him an ultimatum ,, either bring up his grades or get prepared for his GED so that he can go on to college. He must do something with his life .. Marissa is still the princess of the house ... still throwing tantrums that are ear shattering .. but also very sweet when she chooses to be ... I adore her .. just waiting for the "phase" to be over... Joaquin is my littlest angel .. so smart that his physical abilities haven't caught up to how quickly his brain is progressing... you can almost see him thinking .. We are working on weening him from nursing .. and considering potty training ... that should be TONS of fun as he shows no interest at this point .. I have stated it before ... they are my life .. they keep me happy .. they are the best reason to wake up each morning!