Well it's been an interesting couple of weeks ...Work has been uneventful and home has been serene, for the most part. My romantic life on the other hand has been a roller coaster.  Clay has expressed that he loves me and wants to marry me.. and for a while I have been hesitant.  He drinks a lot and when he does he becomes another person.... This scares me for a lot of reasons... I have children and well.. that is not the environment I  want them to grow up in; I don't have the patience to deal with someone constantly being intoxicated.  But I do love him.. and when we are together things are wonderful.. he is caring ... attentive and generous.  Lately ... this has diminished .. he doesn't answer my texts .. or call me like he used to.  When we actually get time together he still treats me like I am the only woman in the world.. but only when we are together... sooo my female intuition and the years of people watching made me want to dig a little and of course..  I was right... there was another woman.  I confronted him and he admitted that there was someone .. but tat she is his mothers nurse... He can't afford a home health aid at 18.00 an hour and this girl likes him.. so she is either cheap or free. He says he is leading her on but that nothing physical has happened.  As much as I want to believe this.. I know it isn't true...female intuition again... So I am left trying to balance my love for him with a dose of reality... I know better.. really I do!!  I just really want to give him the benefit of the doubt... I guess I am just trying to hang on to something that may not be mine to have.. in hopes that someone in my life could possibly be honest and loyal... Yes.. I am a fool.